Living on Loving You
A One Day Grief and Loss Support Program
It has been a year since my mother passed away. My heart and my mind are often with her. With the absence of her presence that I feel with every breath. With all the care that I still long to give her that somehow has nowhere to go. And with the unknown mystery of death that despite its closeness still escapes my understanding.
After I heard the news, I sat still for a while, and then I stepped outside. My garden and the trees were quiet and earthy fragrant. Darkness had fallen and the stars were arcing across the sky. I remembered how different cultures have images of Goddesses who reach across the heavens. Being sky-hearted felt right. I felt broken open, in a vast cloud moving kind of way.
So many words I still long to say to her, and so many more I wish I could have stayed still long enough to hear from her. My yearning to call her or go see her will never leave me.
In the beginning, despite knowing in my mind she was gone, I couldn’t quite get that she was no longer here. It takes time to thaw from the shock of it. It takes gratitude to soften into the legacy of what your loved one left behind in you. It takes tender commitment to transfer the pain into stories of remembering.
Your process of grief will